My garage door has been sabotaged

Friends,

I know it sounds silly, but it always starts with the small things. This morning, I tried to open my garage door and it WOULDN'T WORK! I and by I, I mean we America need to get my garage door fixed, because the longer my garage door is inoperable the greater the danger that my country, our country will cease to be FREE!

"Why is that important?" you ask. First of all if you move the "F" from FREE and put it at the end of the word, you get REEF!. Reef. Think about it for a moment. The American Ship of State is sailing towards a REEF because secret agents from the Kenyan Province of Hawaii, have found a way to sabatoge my garage door. Why? you ask am I warning you about my garage door. "Capitano, the fate of the United States doesn't hinge on your malfunctioning garage door. It's no big thing."

No big thing? Re-arrange the letters of "No big thing" and you get the phrase "NOTHING GIB." Gib, Gib, that sounds familiar. I know a Robert Gibbs. Robert Gibbs. Who does he work for? No. No. It can't be. Yes, it's true. Robert Gibbs works for the White House!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And that's not NOTHING!

So you see friends, things--things have unforseen consequences. Some housefrau in Post World War I Vienna, refuses to buy a hand painted postcards from a wounded German WWI veteran named Adolf, the next thing you know the Wiemar Republic falls due to hyperinflation and before you can say "Gott im Himmel," I can't get my car out of my garage. If I can't get my car out of my garage, I can't buy 50-caliber ammunition for my sniper rifle and cat food. No freedom-loving American should be without ammunition or cat food.

I'M sorry...I'm all choked up. You see I love my country. Not only do I love my country, I need someone to fix my garage door. So if you know of anyone who can fix my garage door, please let me know. I need someone who'll show up, on time would be nice. The ability to actually fix a garage door would be miraculous.

So please send any recommendations to me. With your help, I can get my garage door fixed and together we can steer the American Ship of State away from the REEF and keep us FREE. God bless you and God bless our country!

Capitano Tedeschi

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My garage door has been sabotaged copyright Dec. 8, 2009 by Jamie Jacks