Please send me my Medal of Freedom

Dear President Obama,

The purpose of this letter is to nominate myself to be the 2009 recipient of the Presidential Medal Freedom. I believe I deserve the Medal of Freedom for actions taken by me on Febraury 21, 2009.

On this day I did heroically spend $98.26 of my own soon to be hard earned money on the following items in order to stimulate the nation's economy and end its plunge into deep recession or depression. I do hereby certify that today, I spent

$3.06 on bagels
$3.55 on coffee at Starbucks
$17.00 on a hair cut, and if you had seen the young lady who cut my hair did to my hair you'd understand what a sacrifice that was. I should have gone to the Bakersfield Barber College.
$23.00 for sushi at Love Sushi Bakersfield. Felt a little guilty about that, because of global overfishing, but what to heck, that salmon and albacore sashimi I shoved into my pie hole weren't exactly swimmin' if you know what I mean.
$46.00 on Books at Borders. That was totally impulsive, but as I struggle terribly with Jamie's Disease ( a disease named after me and afflicts at least one person who is totally unable to delay gratification and resist buying on impulse). I will say that I did spend $14 on your book, the Audacity of Hope, but we don't really have to tell anybody about that, it will be our little secret.
$5.16 on coffee and cookies at Borders, the fact that I was able to shop while suffering from the ravages of Jamie's Disease perhap might make good copy for the award announcement.

So the economy is in free fall and I've done my bit to avert the coming depression. This award is such a no-brainer, so just go ahead and send the medal. I mean if George W. Bush can give the medal to the Irving Kristol (2002), L. Paul Bremer III, and George Tenet (2004), you can give the Medal of Freedom to me.

I understand that some actually think that Mr. Kristol might deserve his award as the "godfather of the neoconservative movement," which has caused the country no end of heart ache, but I mean he was Bill Kristol's father and that means he has a lot to answer for.

And L. Paul Bremer and George Tenet, Bremer screwed up the occupation of Iraq and managed to lose $8.8 billion in U.S. dollars in the process. I mean they shipped 363 tons of $100 bills and he lost all 363 tons of them. Heck at least I can account for the $98.26 I spent trying to save America's economy today. Mr. Tenet was the C.I.A. director who told us that intelligence that led us into Iraq was good intelligence. Well sorta good, a "slam dunk," actually it was kinda bad.

As you can see I have made a good case for my being worthy of this medal. My case rests on a solid foundation, I've helped the country during a time of economic crisis by spending money I sorta didn't have on things I really didn't need. I did this in spite of suffering from terrible psychological problems and I haven't done as much damage to the country as some earlier recipients of the this award.

So I look forward to receiving the medal soon. Ship by UPS, the driver is dropping stuff off at my place all the time. And if you're ever in Bakersfield, please feel free to drop by, I'd love to have sign my new book. Wink. Wink.

Capitano Tedeschi

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