Channeling Dame Agatha Christie

Dame Agatha Christie, Source: Flanker from Wikipedia

It's been a good day. Hardest part was the 2 hours I spent in the Ford Dealer's waiting room, listening to a woman chew gum.

 The old darling must have been wearing dentures that had been castanets in a previous life. It was click, click, click, click, click, click for 120 minutes. Always at the same pace, an insistent, unavoidable chomping noise that carried for at least 30 feet in all directions. There was no escaping it, no way to politely make her stop. 

I was channeling Dame Agatha Christie by the end of the first hour, experimenting with various types of poisons and explosive devices to put the woman out of my misery. Cruel of me I know. But still that's how my mind works. 

So I plotted and planned, planned and plotted. Chewing gum coated with arsenic? That's pure Dame Agatha. But that would have taken several sticks and they way she was chomping on that one piece, I would have died before the arsenic had done its work. Cyanide? Way too quick. Plastic explosive? That might have worked but would have required some type of fuse which would have resulted in a piece of chewing gum the size of a pound of cheese. No one in their right mind would have accepted a piece of gum the size of a pound of cheese from a total stranger.

I finally settled on gum that contained some type of powerful adhesive that would have eventually welded her false teeth shut. A very humane option you'd all agree. I then realized if I could invent such an adhesive I'd be a millionaire. As a millionaire, I would have sent the chauffer to the Jaguar dealership across the alley and he'd been sitting in the Jaguar waiting room and I would have avoided the gum chewer altogether. 

Life's funny like that. 

Capitano Tedeschi

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Channeling Dame Agatha Christie copyright July 25, 2012 by Jamie Jacks

Picture Source: Flanker from Wikipedia  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Agatha_Christie.png. Used by permissions of Creative Commons license.