Medical Procedures

Tonsilectomy 1960

I was in 1st Grade, when I had tonsillitis
I was taken to old Providence Hospital
In Kansas City Kansas
Where I was born
7up with ice cubes that
they made drink though it burned
like fire going down my throat.

I fell asleep
as they took
on the gurney,
The attendant told my
Mother I had fallen asleep
I fell asleep so they wouldn't
Give me a shot.

Arthoscopy 1987

The day I hurt my knee,
I asked her to marry me
A month before my wedding
They shaved cartiledge from
My right knee
You may have arthritis later
In your life my doctor said.
My fiancée took me home
Where I drank chicken broth
And took darvocetts for pain.
As I write this my right knee hurts
She has remarried and has a 5 year old child

Endoscopy 1994

What can I say,
I had a lot of job stress at work
My brother was dying of
Incurable heart disease
And stomach acid would keep me up
Til the middle of the night
The Indian Doctor put me under
Yelled at his nurse
After the procedure was over,
My throat was sore and
I had a hietal hernia and was lactose intolerant
A few days later, my brother went code blue
And literally died before my parents eyes.
No parent should ever have
To live through the loss of a child
My mother later said.

Colonopscopy 2004

I was suffering from rectal itch
It was the same Indian doctor
He had mellowed and didn't
Yell at nurses now.
I did the "colon cleanse"
48 hours of shit happens
and happens and happens
after the ordeal
my friend Sam took me home
The doctor recommended I take
Metamucil for the rectal itch.
And get another colonopscopy in 5 years
Two months later I had my first blood clot
A year later, the first symptoms of MS

Endoscopy and Colonopscopy 2009

It was a new colon cleanse
That lasted only 36 hours.
I lay on the gurney and tried
To sleep wishing at least that
The ghost of my mother was
Walking me down the hall
To the procedure room
Where a different Indian Doctor
Shove a tube down my throat
And up my toucus
I could see on TV the program
I called up Jamie's colon
It wasn't all that fascinating
As the demorral wore off
The different Indian Doctor
Told me I had ulcers
Gave me a scrip
And rushed off to grab a sandwich
Or a game of golf.
He also told me he'd see me again
In one month and again
In five years.
I can,
Hardly wait.

Capitano Tedeschi

30

Medical Procedures copyright Sept. 30, 2009 by Jamie Jacks