Hoping to hang on

Sighs of sorrow escape
so often, they seem to be
the melody of some long forgotten song.

The pain is
constant as an incurable cough,
resilient as rust on
long buried iron.

In such a state,
time goes
slow as geologic history

The byproducts of delusion
are pent up deep
in some small, infinite cavity
of the body,

where anemic blood
tries nourish the unseen tissues
that function as the wellspring
of the soul

An observer might believe
that I am unaware of
these inner things

that I am ignorant
of the daily vexations
that accumulate
like delinquent debts

until they become
unbearable
until they become
unutterable

There is no choice
just keep going
praying for
working for
some type of transcendence
hoping to hang on til
the miracle happens

what else can one do?

Capitano Tedeschi

Hoping to hang on copyright 26 January 2012 by Jamie Jacks

things Sleepwalkers know

The cost of obsession
keeps rising
regardless of previous experience
or the onset of old age.

There are things
Sleepwalkers know but
can not tell you

Things you might
see peripherally in a dream
that later appear
in the distorted restructuring of dreaming
known as waking life

Obsession, the loss
of sensible inhibition
a susceptibility to swings of emotion

For example
the 57-year-old Bakersfield housewife
who discovers the skin care secret
that maker her look 20 years younger

She sheds her skin like a snake
and becomes the nubile goddess
the vision that all men desire.

Then she finds herself one day
trapped in a tomb tight as the flue
of a chimney
suffocated in the drunken pursuit of love

Or,
regard the California driver
who discovers the simple driving tip
that insurers don't want you know.
Safety guaranteed you might think
But no,

He drives down dark, forgotten boulevards
and abandoned housing tracks
filled with the wooden skeletons of half-constructed homes.

He gives a ride to a stranger
whose deviance is rewarded
Serendipity is the constant companion
of the deranged.

The pale moon rises, and by
moon set, he has disappeared
bloodstained gravel the only
reminder that he was present at all
on this planet.

There are procedures for tracking
the consequences of delusion
the outcomes of obsession.

Armed with such knowledge,
you should be able to chart
the outcomes and
learn to avoid bad decisions.

No the weakness remains triumphant.
in spite of one's best effort
to stay self-contained, stay apart, stay free.

Capitano Tedeschi

30

things Sleepwalkers know copyright 20 January 2012 by Jamie Jacks

not a spiritually advanced way to begin one's morning

This morning
I wonder why I feel the cold
so much.

It seems to have settled, in the
semipermeable membranes between
my joints.

The blood in my fingers
courses like winter rain
chilling even the warmest regions
of my torso and thighs.
My first two steps
inform me that
ice crystals are lodged
in my ankles and insteps

There is pain
but worse
I have to ask why?
Or say "Fuck You Pain" or
just plain "Fuck You" in general

Would that there were some
aversive therapy to
keep me from wondering,
bar me, block me
from trying to assemble
a cognitive model or
narrative commentary
that tries to make meaing from
my daily confrontation
with my body

enduring being and movement
I once so blithely
dismissed or ignored.

Let's face it starting the day
with a "Fuck You" is not a
spiritually advanced way
to begins one's morning.

Capitano Tedeschi

30

not a spiritually advanced way to begin one's morning copyright 18 January 2012 by Jamie Jacks